Maggie and I were getting hair cuts tonight when Alex called me. I declined the call and received the below text.

Right now cleaning the earphone plug on my phone it is full of dog shit cause the little basterd just had to chase and kill the leaf on the hill so he jerked it right out of my hand

I admit it. I laughed. I then read the text aloud and Maggie and Jeanna chuckled. Jeanna even said, “I believe I have heard it all now!”

I know how frustrating it is to have an expensive phone potentially not working. Alex thought long and hard before getting a smartphone. He even bought a 100 dollar case to protect it from rain, snow, sleet and flood. I guess he didn’t think about dogs.

I asked how this could have happened with his case and was told he had the headphones out for just a few minutes. I don’t think he found my comment too helpful:

This is gross but suck on it. That worked w mine.

See? His phone thinks the headphone jack is in it so won’t play sounds the normal route. The sucking trick I learned on the Internet when Maggie dropped my phone in slush.

I called mom on our way home to see if the storm had died down or not. She told us she thought he had gone to the AT&T store. I suggested a bag of rice and mom replied that she was sure it was not wet but chunky. Maggie and I howled over that, thinking about the poor person who got that customer! I mused it might be fun to lurk on their employee forums: “You won’t believe this! Some guy’s phone was literally full of shit!”

I had to pick Michael up from a volunteer opportunity to iChat. He called me and asked if RJ was doing something to a phone as he had been alerted on his phone. I started laughing and could barely spit it out. I was barely able to see from the tears. He said. “Let me get this straight …” andI dissolved into laughter again. I asked him if he wanted to know what I had I said and he immediately quipped, “Shit happens?” Glad I didn’t hit the police car next to me!

I am still hopeful the phone will recover without a chunk out of the wallet. I hope Ale. Can see the humor in it from our perspective and finds it as funny as we did. I think it would take me a couple of days …

Not the ones you may be thinking I mean. They could be be two words and not three. I didn’t make my kids say them when they were younger. I wanted them to mean something. We talked about them. We talked about they made others feel. How they made themselves feel.

Why are these words so hard to say to someone you care about but so damn easy to complete strangers? Bump someone’s grocery cart? Let go if a door a moment too soon? Almost bump into a co-worker around a blind corner? These words come out. Easily. Routinely.

F*ck up at home and the person hurt gets blamed. I haven’t played that game in years. And when I say it, I usually mean it and am not being snarky. I hope I have modeled that well for my kids and that they remember the apologies more than the blame.

I fell tonight. Hard. My feet went straight out from under me. I landed hard on bottom and my back smacked hard up against the half wall in the foyer. The floor was wet and had not been dried. Not life threatening (to me but it could have a game changer had it been mom or if I had smacked my head on the wall as hard as I went down or even landed differently).

No apology. Not even a backhanded one. I was blamed. Amazing how hurt and angry I am over that. Instead of a sincere apology, I was told it was my fault.

My head is starting to hurt from the jarring I took. I will take a few OTC sleeping pills and a Vicodin. Or two (they’re small).

I guess I see it like I raised my kids: don’t apologize unless you mean it. I don’t want empty words from family and friends. Say it when, and if, you mean it. I guess it wasn’t meant.

I really tried to do a Christmas letter this year. I did. It might even still be saved as a draft post. All I can say: it has been one helluva year. A wild ride, that is for sure. I am glad it is coming to a close and hope that next year (and week!) brings us a year where things continue to look up.

We have a nice home that we love and can share with others. Mom is with us, even though she is in Michigan right now with family. The kids continue thrive at STEM. Maggie loves robotics and has started roller derby. Michael is doing better in school than ever. RJ is working and going to Sinclair, working on a degree in IT.

I am glad to be able to put this year to rest on a (mostly) good note. Christmas at dad’s was fun and chaotic as usual. Mom had a wonderful Christmas this year, both at home and in MI. She ventured out to dad’s with Aunt Dotty on Christmas Eve and enjoyed the chaos of 18-20 of us gathered about. She witnessed dad reading the traditional Christmas Eve story to his two granddaughters (I recorded it, Kelly snapped pictures).  When we woke in the morning, all the stockings were filled and we saw that Santa and brought gifts, had eaten some of the cookies, drank his milk and even fed some carrots to the reindeer. Breakfast was put into the oven and the opening of gifts commenced.

Kelly (my sister), Maggie and I did something we have never done before: went to see a movie. And what a movie it was! Maggie is already clamoring to see it again. We went to see Les Miserables. It was wonderful! She called Kelly and I wimps for crying so much … I called her cold-hearted for not shedding even one tear. Mom and I went to see at the Schuster Center in Dayton one year. I didn’t remember much of it and one particular event dawned on me when they were at the barricade and the young boy started singing. I immediately began crying in anticipation of what was to come. I will own that one.

I am now in planning mode for New Year’s Eve. I typically make many appetizers but am not sure what to make this year. Any good low carb ideas out there? Please share them. RJ won’t be home. Michael won’t be home. Wish I had thought to pull a few people together for a party … maybe next year. I think, instead, I will spend it knitting.

Well … we did it. We are now homeowners and living in our new house! It was a nail biter, down the last minute. Our closing was set for 3 p.m. on a Friday and we were told we were approved at 11 a.m. on Thursday. Something weird about Ohio … we had to give the previous owners 15 days to be out. And they didn’t “pay rent”. I didn’t like that. I wanted IN IN IN. Their Realtor was not a pleasant person to work with so we had no idea when they were going to move.

We got a phone call a week later, on a Saturday evening about 8 p.m. that they were out and they gave us the code to the garage door so we could get into the house. RJ still had not been inside the house so we rushed over and were overwhelmed with what they left for us: their front loader DUO washer and dryer, the fridge that fit into the too-small spot for our side-by-side, a couple of bar stools and a patio furniture set. We had already purchased one on clearance so now we have two … which is fine, we have a family of 6 so this will allow for a few visitors to not have to bring their own chairs.

Moving is coming along quite nicely. Mom is completely out of her place … that was accomplished last weekend. Alex has been working hard at our old place to get things ready for one more moving day. He had a momentary freak out today when he looked in the attic … and saw that it was packed. Luckily, it only had a few things at the front and he got it all out and downstairs for moving day #2.

It will take us a while to clear out the garage, I am afraid. I had hopes of having a garage sale this fall but I don’t see that happening. I might be able to pull together something for homeschoolers to come and buy some of our books within the next month but I don’t see a full out garage happening unless I work about 5 hours a night, every night on it. I don’t see THAT happening.

Last night … Maggie was complaining about the crickets driving her batty as she was trying to sleep … ahhh, the lovely sound of the suburbs. I LOVE it. 🙂

Those who know me, and not even those who know well will know this: I like to be in control. Of myself. Of the situation. Of others (is that the oldest child syndrome at play?) I don’t like relying on others to do for me. When I fell, I needed help with everything (thank goddess my daughter was home!). It was hard to accept help in all areas of my life.

Please note: I appreciated the help; I couldn’t have done it on my own. I just didn’t LIKE being reliant on others. It is hard. I also know those who did for me, didn’t resent it and were happy to help out. Judi was at the ER with me; Andi came over and sat with my two youngest kids while I was carted off in an ambulance and helped them clean up the bloody porch and brought me food I could eat as well as stuff for my broken teeth. She even cut off some of the hamburger meat my gums that were getting caught between my teeth. When I went back to work with a broken elbow on the left and a broken hand on the right, people helped with water and gave me rides home until I was cleared to drive.

Right now, we are still in the Waiting Game of house buying. We have a closing date and even a time set for Friday. I still don’t know that we have the mortgage loan. I need to trust the process. I know all will be well. I know it will all work out as it should. I want it to work out how I want it to (and the biggest part of my heart believes it will). There is always that small part of doubt.

Do I deserve it? Have I worked hard enough to earn it? What will people think if we are denied? My parents? My friends? Other family members? The realtor? The people from whom we are purchasing the house (I really wanted to end this sentence with a preposition!)

The biggest worry is there something we need to do for it to be approved. I can and will do it … but I don’t want to do it if I am not 100% sure we WILL be approved. It will cause a hardship in other areas that I don’t want to happen or have to figure out what the next step is.

I am working very hard to let go and trust the process. That is what is all about anyway, right? We can’t control the outcome of most things. Heck, even if we think we are in control, most of the time it is not up to just US. We can be leaving for an evening with friends and trip on the front porch. We can be getting out of our vehicles, parked safely in front our home and be rammed into by a drunk hopped on alcohol and speed.

Patience has never been high on my list of qualities. I remember being so frustrated that Maggie was “four weeks” late. She was my third baby. I was done. Ready to have my supposed little girl (we never really were sure) with me on the outside. How can a third child be so late, you ask? Well … she was ONLY a week late but my midwives were happy with getting a woman to 37 weeks, we could safely deliver at the birthing center anytime after that. So … in my mind, I was ready for her in mid-to late January. She didn’t arrive until February 18th, 6 days after her “due” date of the 12th. Hell, I figured she would be at least a week early as RJ was a week late, Michael right on his due date. It should have worked that way, right?

While I have had to hold back a few tears writing this … it helps me to get it out there. I will be okay, no matter what. It will work as it should. Worry won’t help me or change the outcome. That is the hardest part. I worry and worry and then it all works out for me. It really does. I don’t know how or why but things ALWAYS work out for me. Whether it be getting jobs I really needed. Finding a car that I needed in my price range. Finding a house to rent (when our landlord decided to sell the too-small house we were living in 8 years ago). It.just.does.

My mom has sent me a few quotes in the past couple of days. Two of them came from today@nealedonaldwalsch.com They are copied below:

…that rushing around to fix everything, or to “get ready,”
is not going to do you more good.

Move resolutely, but don’t rush. There’s a difference.
Rushing removes resolution, often replacing it with
panic or irrationality or, at best,
not well thought-out choices.

So keep moving. Don’t stop. But don’t rush. Don’t
race around. Sure and steady gets you there
every time.

You know exactly why you received this message.

And the second one:

…that you can be happy right here, not tomorrow, not
in ten minutes, but now. You can be happy right now.

Byron Katie said that, and she is right. Happiness is
allowing yourself to be okay with what is, rather than
wishing for, and bemoaning, what is not.

Obviously, what is is what is supposed to be, or it
would not be. The rest is just you, arguing with life.
Somewhere along the way you will have to learn to
just Trust Life. (Read that, “Trust God.”)

Why not start today?

Pretty powerful stuff … and exactly what I needed to hear. And believe. And act on. Easier said than done. I figured putting it on paper for my limited world to see might help me. Besides, at least a few of you will read this and send us positive vibes that it all works out in our favor.

So I will trust the process. And won’t cry over the agony of waiting. Today. Can’t change yesterday’s tears.

We got the process going to look for a house a couple of days. Walked out of Wright Patt CU with a pre-approval letter. On our way home, the real estate agent he referred us to had already called me. I was barely 10 minutes away from his office when I heard from Barbara Waddell. I told her what we were looking for, what was important and what we might be able to live without. She had a few listings sent to me within just an hour or two that night. Ask my mom: when I looked at one of them, I said more than once, “This is our house!”

Many of the houses were quad-level homes and we thought they might work. We actually went to one on Friday night. It had an above ground pool and a great deck. Steps everywhere! The house was very … sterile. It didn’t feel right to me. It was very nice and everything was new but it certainly was not a lived in house. No “homey” energy. If it weren’t for the stairs and the close proximity of the family room and the living room. There had already been three offers on the house and it had only been on the market 9 days. It just didn’t feel right. (Found out today it was bought for less than 70K last year and it is being flipped … nothing wrong with that but it explains my vibes from the house).

We started looking at houses at noon today. The first one: shudder. I found this one. Great price … black mold and worse. Again, shudder. The second house we went to is just under 1900 square foot and a ranch. NO steps. It is well-cared for, lived in and tastefully decorated, though I don’t like the border in the kitchen and the wall paper is a bit busy (green gingham).

WE went to look at a third house but couldn’t get in the front door. I looked in the door and the foyer led to 8 steps up and 8 steps down. I wasn’t too worried that we could not get in as I was not thrilled with the steps. The fourth house on our list was on a major road, not too far off and no way to turn around in the driveway so one would have to back out onto the main road each time. It also was another quad level and to get into the backyard, after going to the lower level, we would have to walk up some pretty steep steps.

We sat down right in that kitchen and decided to call Alex and make an offer on the second house!

We put our offer together this afternoon. Our agent spoke to their agent and it sounds as if it will be a go! I am so freaking excited and want to puke all at the same time. Things are falling perfectly into place. Now the work of packing and crossing our T’s and dotting our i’s begins.

RJ asked that we be on bus line … there are two that run through the neighborhood. Michael will be thrilled to be minutes from his girlfriend’s house (RJ, OTOH, is now much further from his girlfriend’s house). Maggie doesn’t have a a boyfriend, so we are good in that regard.

We will take all good wishes and vibes that you care to send our way.