I like reading: books, blogs, Facebook, emails. I like writing: blogs, Facebook, emails, websites.

I don’t do it nearly often enough. I keep saying, “I will blog”. When I sit down to blog, I find half-finished, unpublished posts. The worst thing about that? Some of them had really good points and thoughts that I just hadn’t quite finished yet. I was close and I was on my way there but then I got distracted and didn’t finish. I thought, “I will get back to it” but then I didn’t in any sort of timely manner and lost it. That is how I am with writing. I can’t get those thoughts back once I lose them.

I always think I will blog for a whole month. And then I never do. I saw Reticula’s post about 30 days of blogging and thought, ‘I will do it this time’. I came out to my blog and got mad and angry all over again. Not because Soul-utions Plumbing was the first blog post I saw. Not because I haven’t blogged in three years. Because in the Spring, all my sites got hit … and hard. My fault … I was using a very outdated theme. So, I killed the themes, paid way too much $$ to a company who didn’t fully clean all my sites THEN I found a better solution for a tiny fraction of the cost. Since then, I just haven’t made the time to come out and pick a theme and fix my blog. It is daunting and overwhelming.

Today, I am grateful for my technical skills. Sure, everyone starts their 30 days of gratefulness out with their family. That’s so yesterday (or tomorrow, as the case may be). I need to make my blog pretty again. The first thing I did was look for my header image I created for my blog. I couldn’t find it. I started searching for what I thought it might be named on my computer. I searched in the media folder in WordPress. Finally, I started digging around on my host, looking in all the folders. BINGO! I have uploaded a few variations. They all have a clear background so I can choose what color the background of the site will be and just lay this on top.

You won’t see this blog post right now because my house is a mess and I can’t let you in, it’s just too embarrassing. I mean, you might stumble on by or you might be wondering if I am even home and decide to drop by. That’s okay. I will let you in but I can’t invite you over until the paint is dry. It might take me a day or two to get a fresh coat of paint up and rearrange the furniture. That’s okay. You can visit in a few days. I will still be here.

I have a lot of things I want to do this month. I want to make a 30 Days of Gratefulness book. I want to blog for 30 days. I want to find and organize the toys in my garage for the 3 year old in my life. I want polish my resume and get it sent over to someone in particular. I want to blog. Let’s see how this month unfolds and what all I can get accomplished. I think I have enough PTO days still to burn that I might be able to take a few days to myself to do whatever it is on my November bucket list.

I have a tale of woe. It is partially my fault. I should have told Alex to stay away from any company that had a religious sounding name (not because I hate religion but because we had a bad experience with them before). Since I was too late for that, I should have told him to cancel their appointment and get someone else to come out. I didn’t. You see, we have a home warranty. The first year, the previous owners of the house paid for it. After that, we did. The first two years, our “deductible” was $50. It is now $100 — a fact I somehow missed when I renewed it.

Alex woke up a week and a half ago on a Wednesday and realized we had no hot water. He called 2-10 home warranty and they gave us Soul-utions Plumbing. An interesting side note in things that make you go hmm: we have called them three times for plumbing issues and all three times, this was the first company we were given all three times. Soul-utions Plumbing called him fairly quickly and set up an appointment to come out and check it out. They came out and declared it dead. They collected their 100 dollar service fee and told us that they would turn it in to the warranty company but it might take 2-10 a day or two to approve it.

Soul-utions Plumbing did not even turn it in until Thursday. We heard from 2-10 with “uncovered expenses”. 65 x 3 for a pan, for a union and to dispose it. 200 to reroute some plumbing. We declined the the disposal fee. Soul-utions Plumbing told us if 2-10 chose Ferguson’s for the wholesaler, we could have it installed on Friday. Still longer than we wanted to be without hot water but we could handle it. Ferguson’s was the chosen wholesaler. Alex called them at least twice on Friday to see when he could set it up. They never called him back.

Friday night, I sent them an email. They called us Saturday morning, stating, “If they are open today, we will install”. Excuse me … if you are a contractor, you know if your supplier is open on Saturday or not, right? So, the location in Middletown was closed but the one in Dayton was open. They waited a few minutes and called back to tell us they were closed in Middletown. My spouse called Dayton, who had it in stock. We then called them back immediately and told them this. But we got their voicemail. They didn’t call back until it was too late for them to get to the Dayton location to pick it up. I picked it up myself and it was sitting in my living room long before they called my spouse back. My husband asked for our 100 bucks back and he was told, “Good luck. Go to 2-10”.

At this point, I called 2-10 to tell them what happened. I was on hold for a very long time. They called the Soul-utions Plumbing. They told 2-10 that we were not on the schedule until Monday and totally denied ignoring our calls and the calls my spouse made to them (have they not heard of call history). 2-10 would not hear my out and told me I was out of luck. They were totally dismissive of my frustration and told me I would have to wait until Soul-utions Plumbing came out on Monday to install the water heater. They knew it was in my living room and knew I was having someone else do it.

Christian from Soul-utions called me on Monday, twice right in a row. The second time he did leave a voicemail asking me to call him back about the water heater. I assume he was at Ferguson’s trying to pick it up. I still haven’t returned his call. Alex was dealing with James, who knew we were not letting them back into our house. Soul-utions Plumbing doesn’t do business with integrity.

I am also canceling our home warranty. I never want to be in a position again of not being able to get something done in a timely manner. It is not worth it anymore. If you want a home warranty, I suggest checking them out online before choosing one as some of them are really  horrible.

Or do you really think it is necessary to be rude to someone who is going to serve your country?

My oldest son, RJ, is a wonderful, funny, passionate, young man. He will be 23 in December. Earlier this year, he woke up one day and decided to join the Army. He was worried I would react badly and told him dad first to have him soften the blow with me. It was totally not necessary. Even my mom )dammit I miss her so much) was thrilled for him.

He had to make three trips to MEPS before he could swear in. The first one, they took one look at his eyesight (20/200 and 20/400 with a -6 astigmatism … look it up, it sucks!) and told him they could not take him. “What was it you wanted to do? Oh, computers. That will work. You won’t be too far away from your work. Hope you didn’t want to be a sniper. THAT won’t happen!” His paperwork got kicked to Fort Knox. Some general saw his test scores (high) and asked him to go back for a dilated eye exam. He was escorted to an eye doctor for this exam. Less than a week later, he was told he made it and to come on back to be sworn in.

He got his first choice of training … He wants to do something with computers, with a security clearance. His AIT is 22 weeks, which I have been told is a bit longer than usual. He is excited about going. He has found a purpose in his life. He has been wandering a bit aimlessly. We joked he would be living in my basement when he “grew up”. The joke is on him though … we don’t have one. 🙂

I am so proud of him for making a decision and sticking with it. A few months ago, someone on Facebook made a snide comment about him going into the Army. That time, I was polite. I replied with something along the lines of being proud of him, he made a decision that will be good for him and give him some direction … as well as free training for a career he can be excited about and make good at (if he chooses to enter the private sector). If he chooses to stay in, he will be able to do well with that, too.

That same person made pretty much the same snide comment again. This time, the gloves are off. Here is what she posted:

Has he seen the movie “Full Metal Jacket” yet? Pillow Furnace thinks that’s a must see before anyone swears their life away to Uncle Sam.

RJ replied fairly mildly, for how pissed off I know he is. Here is the thing … is that REALLY what you say to someone who is going to fight for YOUR rights to live in a free country? Signing up for 4 years, or 5 years or even 6 years is NOT signing your life away. Even if he chooses to make a career of the military, that is something to be proud of. At least he has the balls and fire to do something productive with his life.

He is trying to make things better for himself, and the country we live in. Am I scared to death he might get deployed to a war zone? Hell, yes, I am! Even with all that is currently going on in the world, that is going to be a slim chance, based on his career path. They will want to keep him protected. His brains are helping with that. One of the kids on the bus to MEPS with him one day said, “Oh well, I wanted to be infantry anyway!” I am thankful for those who want to be on the front lines. At the same time, I am grateful that RJ is not going to be one of them.

What if everyone had your narrow mind about the military, G? Would you rather that every able body be told, “You are 18 now, you must join a military branch for the next three years”? Do you think a forced military is the way to go? Does Vietnam come to mind? Do you want to be speaking another language because we don’t have men and women willing to defend our country? In all honesty, it is not that easy to get into the military right now. They have more people that want to join than they have spaces for. RJ was chosen because of his brains and what he wants to do with them.

In RJ’s case, he knows that he needs some guidance when it comes to sticking with something. The military is it for him. He will not let it beat him. When he makes his mind up for something, for a cause, there is no changing it. Trust me. I carried this boy for 9 months and raised him for 23. I have never met a more pig-headed, stubborn person in my entire life. Seriously.

What gives you the right to question his choices? To be negative about something he is excited about that can only enrich your life and the lives of others that live in our country or whom we strive to protect? Why would you comment like that? I don’t get it. Frankly, if you have nothing nice to say, keep your mouth shut and your fingers off the keyboard. Oh wait … RJ will be fighting for your right to be an asshole to him. THAT’s what give you the right … our military.

I have friends who have been in the military. Who have made careers in the military or who have spouses who have. Not just in this country but also in others. They are proud (rightfully) to have served or to be serving their country. Your negativity, G, is not welcome. Keep it to yourself in the future, please.

Life has taken a big twist for me in the past few months. Mom, who moved to Dayton to live with us two years, died fairly unexpectedly on March 7th. While we knew it could happen at any time, really, and she was going to have to have surgery on her back, which would have been risky, she died before her surgery. My phone rang about 5 a.m.  on March 7th and I was totally confused. I didn’t answer it. My Aunt Dott and Uncle Ron were in town and we had been up pretty late and the ringing phone, of an unknown number was just something I could not comprehend. When a voicemail was left, I was still confused and just figured I would listen to it when my alarm went off in an hour or so.

About the time I was deciding to go back to sleep, Alex came screaming into my bedroom. The hospital had called him. He stated that there was a voicemail saying something was wrong with mom. Maggie jumped out of bed and I am pretty sure she was dressed before her feet hit the floor. Before I even got dressed and before we got a hold of the hospital, I ran to mom’s room to wake up Dott and Ron, telling them something was wrong and we needed to go.   Alex called the hospital back and handed me the phone. Or maybe he told me the number and I called on my phone. I am not really sure anymore.While the doctor was talking to me, telling me what had happened, I realized what he was saying. I screamed and cried and Maggie collapsed onto the bed.

Everyone was awake by now. Michael wanted to go to school and RJ wanted to stay home. There was no keeping Maggie home … and that is the way it should have been. I called my sister right away, while I was trying to get dressed and while waiting for others to get dressed so we could go. I remember walking around the house, pretty dazed and confused. My brother worked 3rd shift and was at work. I don’t even remember who called my sister-in-law to tell her. We took two cars to the hospital. On the way, I called my dad’s sister, Lynn, and asked her to come down. Now. She did. My dad and stepmom were on a trip in Costa Rica and had only been gone a day, I think. I hated to even tell them about it but I did.

When we got there, most people were very considerate and caring. I think a couple of her nurses even cried with us … she was a very good patient and they all loved her. I tried calling Mary, our minister. Her phone just rang and rang. I didn’t have her partner’s number. I texted with some friends who also know Mary and they tried calling her and Amanda, both. Finally, they got a hold of some other friends and went pounding on their door … at 7:30 in the morning. I needed Mary there.

My friend, Judi, sets her phone in such a way that only her kids and spouse can reach her during certain hours. I know her one daughter has young kids and is up early. I sent her a message on Facebook to have her mom call me. She did and she came right up. I picked up mom’s phone and noticed that her phone had called a good friend, Mari, around 5:20 a.m. I am assuming it was an accident while moving the phone around. Mari had called back and, obviously, didn’t get an answer. I called her to her tell her what happened. She came right up.

There was a note on mom’s door that said, “Please check with the nurses’  station before entering”. I guess the nurse’s aide did not think that applied to her. She came to get the vitals. I just stared at her and I think I said she was a bit too late. She backed out of the room. A while later, the cleaning lady came in. She had been told the room was ready. She was horrified and started crying. I went out into the hallway and we comforted each other … she talked about how much she liked mom and how kind she was. She had been horrified that she was told by her boss to come clean the room. I let her know it was okay and we moved on.

We spent a couple of hours there and they were kind enough to leave mom there so when Rick and Nancy got to town, they would be able to go see her. Just as we were getting ready to go, Mary was saying a blessing over mom, Kelly called. We laid my phone on mom’s chest, all held hands and Kelly got to be there as we bid mom a safe journey and sweet dreams. It was very lovely and I have absolutely no clue what Mary said.

We came back home and word spread in our faith community. Karen brought over some snacks and lunch meats, which was greatly appreciated. Judi stayed with us most of the day. Kelly arrived around 1. Phone calls were made. Plans to make arrangements were made. I was pretty much in a daze. I had sent Tony, my Team Lead at work, a text that morning that just said, “Mom coded. Won’t be there”. Later, he sent a text asking how she was doing … He lost his mom 15 months before I lost mine so he totally knew what I was going through. He told me to take whatever time I needed and to not worry about it. I had been on the new job three weeks. It was nice to not have to worry.

Mom’s memorial service was lovely. Mary said so many nice things … I don’t remember what she said but I know it was exactly what mom would have wanted. Kelly got up and talked about mom and then had us all doing the Hokey Pokey. I am sure the funeral attendants were all a bit confused. But mom would have loved it.

Maggie had a very hard time with it. She hated being home alone … because mom had always been here, in this house, with us. When mom and I would be gone when the kids got home from school, and they didn’t know we were going to be gone, I would get a phone call or a text asking if mom was with me … because if not, she had run away. Maggie had been battling migraines since early February and she has a neurology appointment on the 10th of March … which was when we had the memorial service scheduled. Since she had already had two ER trips and 1 urgent care trip, we kept it. Over the next month, Maggie missed more school and a few of those days, I stayed home with her, too.

Over the past 4 1/2 months, we are settling into a new normal. I have two kids leaving home in less than 6 weeks. One starting her junior year of high school. I miss mom each and every day … and still crying at least once a day. Most of the time, it is a brief tearing up but some days are harder than others.

July 9th would have been her 70th birthday. I took the day off work so Maggie and I could hang out. That we did … three doctor appointments for us. It was a good day, though. We went to a movie and ate popcorn for dinner. Mom would have approved.

This post was started on 1-6-2013 and I just recently found it in my drafts. I am going to work on finishing it tonight though I am again not sure where I was headed when I started this. I just skimmed the article again to refresh my memory.

I have been ruminating on recent NYTimes article regarding something called restorative justice. You can read the article here. It will take you a bit of time to read it but it is well worth the read. I will wait.

Okay, how many of you are now thinking, “There is NO way that could be me?” I volunteered for the same organization as Kate many years ago and we “met” online. We have been Facebook friends for a few years and I heard of Ann’s shooting when it happened. I could not imagine the feelings of Kate, Andy and Conor’s parents. The feelings of sadness, anger and betrayal by a boy they loved and raised.

Reading this article has really given me food for thought. Just how one finds that kind of forgiveness in their heart is almost beyond me. Tragedy has touched my life in a profound way, also through a murder. In my case, it was a young girl, just barely a teenager. I had not even met her in person before but had Facebook chatted with her many nights and she was my son’s girlfriend in Cincinnati, as two teens who live an hour apart can be boyfriend and girlfriend. Much easier in the digital age in which they were raised.

It is hard for me to think of forgiving her murderer. Of being able to sit there and hear what happened. Feel it as if I were there, because that is what parents do. I feel sick, as Michael must have, reading of him stopping on the way to the hospital to vomit. I hear what Andy may have sounded like when he heard Conor talk about what he did to his daughter, how she cried out in a vain attempt to live. I get a pit in my stomach just writing this.

I know that holding onto anger and rage only hurts me. Not the person who has hurt me. I know that. I get that. I just can’t always get beyond it. A week or so after Esme was murdered, Michael was told he could not go to the local park. I just couldn’t do it. He needed to be home. To be safe. He went anyway. I found him and I remember yelling at him and crying, “I get to be over protective for a few weeks. I GET to be this way. You can’t take this away from me. I won’t always be like this but I need more than a week. Get yourself home NOW!” He got it. And I got over that … mostly.

Tragedy like this affects your life … forever. Some things will never be the same. I look at things differently. I worry each time Maggie walks to work. Or wants to go for a run. Or a bike ride by herself.

I admire Kate and Andy and Conor’s parents for having the faith and love and desire to get to the space of forgiveness. To know that this is for them as much as for Conor … actually, it is more for them than for Conor. I actually wish more of the world could move to this space of love.  It is hard for me to separate forgiveness out from punishment. I worry that forgiveness means no repercussions. This is another example of how that is not the case. Conor is serving time for his crime. If Kate and Andy did not forgive him, they would also continue to be punishing themselves. Carrying around hurt and anger does not do a body good.

Does this change what you think of when you think of justice? I used to be very pro-death penalty. Then I was very anti-death penalty. After a personal experience, I felt that I could be happy seeing that man put to death (he is on death row, if anyone wants to know). What constitutes justice? An eye for an eye? Turning the other cheek? There are many forms of justice. I hope to be able to get to this space some day myself.

Stress has been the name of the game these past couple of days at work. Nothing that I won’t get over but the fun has been few and far between. Had an interesting and fun IM with my manager today about Maggie’s interest in roller derby.

when I am already two days behind? Not sure I can do it. I have friends who have done it a few times … Reticula and Autodidactpoet … are two that come to mind. I always think: how fun! I should do that … then I think, “WHEN will you have time to write? You always say you will write but you don’t take time to do it.”

I thought I would blog when I got home from Indy on Friday night. That hellish trip didn’t end until Saturday, though. Don’t get me wrong, the trip wasn’t bad … I actually had fun being in the car two hours longer than I needed to be with three teenagers. Two of them boys that I didn’t birth. We laughed. Joked. Talked about semi-serious stuff. And put the van in park more times than I care to remember while on I-70. Getting home at 1 a.m. or so, though, didn’t lend itself well to blogging.

Yesterday, my sister and niece were here visiting and I just didn’t think about it after they left. I AM going to do this. I really am. Even though I am two days behind the 8 ball. I will either post twice on a couple of days (I do plan on having a couple of vacation days this month) or I will continue posting into December.

I like blogging, even if I think no cares about what I have to say. I find, when I go back and read some things I have written, that I have forgotten what I wrote, the exact words, not the stories, and I find that I LIKE what I had to say.

I hope you like to hear from me, too.

Also willing to take suggestions for topics, though I will leave the vaginas to Reticula.

We have started going through the garage … finally. We found some pictures that the kids have brought in and started looking through them. We found the pictures I took that go with this story. I read this story aloud to Michael, Maggie and Mom. I was laughing so hard, it was hard for me to read it.

BTW: I have kept Michael.

Enjoy!

For sale, for the cost of shipping:

*  1 large box of clothing, lots of Osh Kosh overalls

*  Enough shoes for a couple of years

*  Plenty of toys — including FP, Little Tykes, some puppets and crayons

*  A Creative Memories baby album, not yet started, will include the baby
pictures and the vital stats to make it complete

*  Complete medical records/history

*  A beautiful, vibrant, creative, loving, cuddly, energetic, talkative, imaginative, outgoing, lovable, happy, redheaded, blue eyed . . . . . . . . .
..

three and a half year old!

😀

He answers to the name of Michael.  He sometimes comes when called, likes to give hugs and kisses and be read to.

Any takers?

Today, he was eating a spoonful of peanut butter.  He then proceeded to smack it all over his sister’s arms and legs and face!  She barely tolerates baths (which is up from screaming the whole time, clinging to me for dear life) as long as she just plays in there and you do NOT attempt to clean her up!

Have you ever tried to clean peanut butter off of a child who literally was wearing it withOUT putting her in the tub?  Doesn’t work!

While Michael is sitting in timeout, Maggie gets a bath. She doesn’t stop screaming until I am done washing her.  Then she plays in it for a few minutes.

Get her out.  Try to dress her.  She runs away . . .. . naked.  Her new thing.  Sigh

Michael crawls into my lap and proceeds to fall asleep.  Great, a nap at 5:15.  Fun.

Maggie starts fussing as she has peed on herself and doesn’t particularly like having wet legs and feet (still need to find WHERE it happened so I clean that up, too!)  Get Maggie diapered and dressed.

Get a diaper on her.  I go to the bathroom.  I come out, about 30 seconds later.  Maggie has a jar of peanut butter.  A large jar.  She is eating it with her hands.  Did I mention that she had clean clothes on?  She is covered in peanut butter from head to toe.

Mommy doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  So she does a little of both.

While doing a little of both, she gets the camera out.

Have you ever tried to clean peanut butter off of a child who literally was wearing it withOUT putting her in the tub?  Doesn’t work!

Maggie gets another bath.  Since I didn’t drain the tub, I already have some water in it.  She screamed while being cleaned up.

Mommy puts Maggie down for a nap.  GREAT, it is now 6 p.m.  What a great time for a nap!

Sigh.

Michael is still for sale, Maggie is not.  I think I will keep her . . . . . .. for a couple more years, at least.

Who will start the bidding?

Do I hear $100?

Some days you just cannot get ahead, can you?

(PS . . . . Judy, be wary of large packages from FedEx with air holes!)

Barbara